Opinion: Please Stop Confusing Me With Other Asian People. Unless It’s Dev Patel, Then by All Means, Tell Me How Much I Look Like Him

I’ll throw out all of my previously deeply held instilled attitudes

December 13, 2022

Asians. Not all of us look the same. Some of us have short black hair and others have medium black hair. It’s so tiring having to tell these ignorant westerners that we’re not their friend Rohit from their 6th grade debate team. I’m just so sick of it. Unless they’re comparing me to Dev Patel, at which point, I’ll throw out all of my previously deeply held instilled attitudes.

Hang on a minute, just so I’m getting this clear. You think the Academy Award nominated actor and heartthrob of every living person in the world looks like me, the cashier at Kohl’s that forgot to brush his teeth for the past few days. Well, now that you mentioned it, I’ve always thought we had similar eyebrows.

Usually, people say I look like the IT guy at their workplace. There’s a chance I might be related to one of those guys, but please just say I look like Dev Patel. Specifically Dev Patel in Lion or The Green Knight. I would much rather prefer that look over what he had during his earlier work.

I rarely get compliments so I really need this in my life. Look, at this point I’d be willing to hear that I have a passing resemblance to Kumail Nanjiani pre-muscles, when he was doing Silicon Valley or Portlandia. I’m that desperate.