Opinion: Please Stop Trying to Guess My Ethnicity, I’m Just Trying to Buy a Burger

‘I want the mushroom and swi–, no I am not Chinese’

March 3, 2022

This has to stop, I am begging all of you. I saw this place on Yelp and it looked like a neat little burger joint so I stopped on by. But, I came here to get a burger, not apply for a job. So for the millionth time, please stop trying to guess my ethnicity and just place my order.

Like I said before, I want the mushroom and swi–, no I am not Chinese. Why is that always everyone’s first guess. I get that China is the most populous country in the world, so statistically that would be the safest bet, but also fuck you. I’m also not Japanese and I’m not Korean either by the way. I knew that was going to be your next guess.

Now that you’ve exhausted the top three guesses, can I please have some french fries too? Ah fuck, you’re still guessing.

Mongolian? No. Thai? Nope. Vietnamese? Nuh-uh. Indian? Negative. Persian? Not even close.

Ok now that this whole conversation is over, is this a swipe or a chip situation for the credit card machine? Oh my god, now you’re just listing off every country in Asia. Did you just name drop Bahrain? That’s honestly kinda impressive, most people don’t realize Middle Eastern countries are in fact a part of Asia.

Ah okay, looks like you’ve finally got the hint that I am uncomfortable with you asking about my ethnicity. Surely you’ll finally give me my drink cup and oh my god now you’re casually asking leading questions that might reveal my ethnicity. No, I don’t speak any languages besides English and no I am not telling you what my full name is, you freak. I actually do vacation in the Maldives a lot but please do not read into that.

Listen, I get that you’re paid way below a living wage and most people don’t respect fast food workers and see you as real people with emotions and feelings, but can you just shut up and do your job? Take my order. There’s an entire line forming behind me.

Oh great, now I’m going to be late for my sister’s quinceanera. Thanks a lot, asshole.