Rise and Grind! Eight Ways to Hustle Your Aunties at the Annual Mahjong Game

Double your red envelope revenue 

February 1, 2022

By: John Doe

As Lunar New Year approaches, many of you will be dreading the traditional sound of clacking plastic tiles, as your aunties sit you down and force you to play the game made famous by Crazy Rich Asians.* But for all the hustlers out there scheming for their next opportunity,  here are ten ways to hustle your aunties at mahjong while being called a deadbeat without a future!

1. Play coy. Don’t let them know that you’re about to rock their shit. Flirt with your aunties.
2. When picking up new tiles, turn the tile around multiple times to make it seem like you don’t know what the tile is. They’ll think you’re a big dumb idiot and throw them off your scent. Bonus points for immediately discarding it.
3. Maintain eye contact with the opposite player at all times. Psych out Auntie Jenny by showing her you don’t even need to look at your tiles to win. 
4. Cheat.
5. Sprinkle in laxatives into everyone’s tea and then charge a bathroom fee if they leave the table during a game.
6. Hire an erhu or guzheng player to provide background music, intensifying whenever it reaches your turn. 
7. Hire Awkwafina as a stand-in.
8. Cheat more. Collect gains.

*The last two centuries of the game’s immense popularity in the East notwithstanding.