U.S. Military Honors AAPI Heritage Month by Invading the Asian Country of YOUR Choice

Text your top pick NOW! Standard messaging rates may apply.

May 11, 2021

By: John Hedrick

In the United States, the month of May is designated as a time to celebrate the heritage of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders. The AAPI community has a long and tumultuous history with the American government and the culture of white America. As a way to honor how Asian American and Pacific Islanders have overcome their struggles, the U.S. military plans to invade an Asian country, BUT this time it is up to Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders which country to invade. Here are the top picks and how to vote for each of them:

China

Do you fear communism? Do you blame Asians for Covid? Or are you just a flat out racist? Then this invasion is just for you. America has privatized healthcare and school shootings and it’s time to spread that winner mentality to a country that is truly struggling. Text SCHYNA to 88877 to cast your vote.

Vietnam (again)

Vietnam: the ex-girlfriend equivalent of American wars. This war kind of fizzled out, but America can always go back for a quick hookup. So why not invade them for nostalgia purposes? It’s easy. It’s comfortable. It’s familiar. If they can remake “A Star Is Born” more than 4 times, then we should be able to do the same thing with war. Text NAM BABY to 88877 to cast your vote.

Hong Kong

This is just because the British got to it first. If we’re going to be imperialists, then we might as well be NUMBER 1! They also love pepper spraying protesters here; sometimes even jailing them. America would get along swimmingly so text GODZILLA V. (Hong) KONG to 88877 to cast your vote.

Bangladesh

Here’s another one that the Brits got before us, however, one difference is that it has a prosperous garment industry. This would be a sure fire way to boost America’s GDP if we claim this country as the 51st state. Screw Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico’s statehood. ALSO, Bangladesh was voted 145th out of 176 in the ranking of least corrupt nations. America was ranked 146th so if we do invade, we have a chance of boosting our ranking! Text LETS BANGLADESH to 88877 to cast your vote.

Japan

Sony is from Japan→ They make PS5s→ United States has no PS5s→ INVADE

It’s simple. See the formula above. You want a PS5 then let’s invade Japan. Text TECH ISLAND to 88877 to cast your vote.

BONUS: Cambodia

This is similar to Vietnam in that the United States is familiar with the country. From March of 1969 to May 1970, the United States secretly bombed Cambodia as part of a tactic for the Vietnam War. Was it actually a tactic? Or was it America having fun with an overzealous military budget? Who cares! Let’s bring it back. Google “Operation Menu” then Text SECRET to 88877 to cast your vote.