Local Mixed Guy Unsure How To Prepare for White Boy Summer

Some Italian men are also uncertain as well. 

March 28, 2021

By: John Hedrick

International race ambassador, occasional Jamaican local, and son of Tom Hanks, Chet Hanks has officially decreed an executive order that this coming warm season will be a White Boy Summer. Men of the lightest skin tone rejoiced and immediately began making preparations for the 3 month long celebration. Fortunately, Chet Hanks provided a list of rules and regulations for white dermis affiliates to follow. Unfortunately, this list of rules does not provide guidance for men who are half white. 

Nick Huang, 24 and biracial, explains, “My dad is Chinese, my mom is white, and my brain has no idea what to do. Do I only half-prepare for white boy summer? Do only half the rules apply to me? If so, which rules? Can I still call girls smoke shows? I have so many questions, and I can’t wait another 24 hours for Chet Hanks to post a shirtless ramble on his Instagram story. Church.”

Huang goes on, “It just sucks and for two main reasons. The first reason is that I’ve run into this issue my whole life as a mixed race person. I never feel like I fit in at white celebrations even though I am half white. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb at college tailgates and Logic concerts. The second reason is I fucking love plaid shirts; why the hell would he ban those in the rules?”

After further research, it is unclear if Chet Hanks’ rules and regulations are inclusive of boys with less than 100% white DNA. We asked him to comment and all he said was “Intanet’s gone MAD. Again, CHEESH”