Machine Gun Kelly Terrified Now That Fellow Malnourished White Guy Got Dumped by Out of League Girlfriend
“If he can’t find love, then how can I?”
August 8, 2022
By: John Hedrick
“Kete,” better known as Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian, have officially called it quits on their relationship. After 9 long, romantic, serious months, the two have decided to go their separate ways. Unfortunately, this break up has taken a toll on the malnourished white guy community, specifically Machine Gun Kelly.
Recent trends show that skinny white men have been dating women out of their league for the last year as a result of Pete Davidson courting Kim Kardashian. Machine hopped on this trend by dating Megan Fox but according to an insider tip, he feels like the trend is on its way out.
“If Fox Machine broke up, it would send shockwaves through the community,” Machine said, “Not the music community but the community of my brethren – skinny white men with bad tattoos. Women always ask us if we are malnourished and we always reply ‘I am malnourishment.’”
After our quick conversation with Machine, we went straight to the heartbeat of the skinny white men with bad tattoos community, a skatepark under a bridge. There we met all sorts of skinny white men, each with varying “ironic” tattoos and different shades of pale.
“You know it’s actually really hard for this community not to date out of our league,” said Tyler (he literally didn’t have a last name). “I liked Pete and Kim together and I like Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox together because it shows the people what’s normal for us, for our community.”
Tyler then proceeded to lick the Takis dust off his fingertips without realizing the skatepark dirt was under his fingernails.
Although the “malnourished white men with bad tattoos” community is shaken, they must come together and organize against a new threat: Kanye West.
