Coworker Catastrophically Misses Mute Button Moments Before Gargantuan Shart

‘It’s like my bowels were charging’

September 21, 2021

By: Grant Yang

Tragedy struck the city of Erie, PA this morning when 26-year-old Linsen Huang failed to click the mute button during his office’s quarterly report Zoom meeting. Huang had been battling the previous night with stomach pains after consuming an off piece of spicy tuna deluxe roll, but ultimately found no relief at the toilet. “It just wouldn’t come out,” Huang reported, “it’s like my bowels were charging.”

Come the morning, Huang joined the Zoom clutching his stomach and video off, but nevertheless contributed to the meeting. Then, the fateful moment arrived where he felt something attempt to exit his rear. “I swear it felt like gas,” Huang assured defensively, “I should know. I’ve farted before, I think.”

Desperately jerking his mouse, Huang tried to click the mute button but missed a few centimeters to the right, instead turning on his video and bringing him to the top of the participants. Then, for the next 14 seconds, Huang unleashed a devastating, cosmic shart. The low drum of the escaping gas started quiet but rapidly crescendoed, becoming punctuated with clear thuds that splashed on impact like water balloons at a child’s birthday party. The meeting fell silent except for the echoes of the shart reverberating through the manager’s mic.

“After that, I didn’t have the heart to tell them we’re bankrupt,” Huang lamented.